MIRRORS

Am I selfish?
Is it selfish to want something so bad that you would give your life up?
Is it selfish to pursue a passion that is so ingrained in your heart, that even the mere thought of not achieving it makes you ache
Is it selfish to set standards for yourself that others consider crazy?
Is it selfish to life a life that gives you joy and fulfillment?
Is it selfish to want out of poverty?
Is it selfish to not care about somebody who hurt you in the past?
Is it selfish…

The constant fear leaves me paralyzed
In a despicable state yet powerless to overcome
Will this be my fate?
Never progressing? Never being at peace?
Despair flickers through my mind
I brush it off with a hope…
Yes I still have hope
Even though my feeble grasp on it is obliterated every once in a while and I am plundered into another sea of depression
I still find hope
I still wade through the mucky waters to touch the tip of the shores

No confidant has been worth pouring my heart to
Perhaps one is meant to win their own battles
Proverbs 14:10 says it well “Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.”
But what if I realize am too weak?
Too weak to even put up a resistance and fringe myself into my promised future?
What if am too weak to even ask from help from those who are willing to offer it?
I will not deny the truth that am troubled
The non-existent exhaustion caused by my worry tags at my soul
The pain rips at my heart
Even though there is a twist
Yes, a twist. Am sorry I never told you
The cause of my pain is myself.

Strength means nothing without faith. Yes, faith. Faith that opens up your vision to see beyond the trouble. Faith to know that greater is coming. So I gather up the tiny seeds I own and sow them. I know that when that tree blooms, it will be strong enough to lean on and in time my own strength will be unfathomable.